Mi vida bella.

The enemy …

Today was like the worst day I’ve had in a long time. I felt so dry, but after DT I realized it’s my perspective. I think today I realized just how strong the enemy can try to hurt me and attack me. Today I felt ugly. For the first time in God knows how long I looked in the mirror and felt ugly. I was looking forward to this day for so long, having my sister home getting a hair cut, being on summer break. But the enemy knew in that moment how to bring me down with the most random yet easily obsessive fault that he tried to seed in my mind. Thank God for DT, Michelle, brothers and sisters, etc. for just giving me clarity and speaking truth in subtle ways that I knew forshure God has my back through all of this.

There are so many more important things to deal with.

God, protect me as you always do.

I wrote like all this stuff and just deleted it realizing I’m sick of bullshit.

I’m tired of people not being honest.

I’m tired of people making me feel guilty.

I hate that I don’t have a human outlet to really like let my frustration out to.

I only have one person in my life right now who really knows what is going on with me and everyone else just has bits and pieces of understandings.

I’m freaking out even though I know God will reign and I just need to hold onto that.

The moment I think I have something to complain about …

BAM.

God shows me how much I have to be thankful for.

Today it really hit me … I could’ve been in a drunk driving accident, I could’ve been raped, I could’ve been anything and anyone so different from who I am right now.

But God literally saved me and rescued me again from just this time last year.

While I was praying after service today I literally started crying from just shock of how deep God’s grace is over my life … I finally had the revelation of God’s grace. 

His grace is enoughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Dah I feel like sucha loser sometimes when I have these moments where I’m like freaking out but omgsh I’m so frickin thankful. Blessed by experiences, friends, brothers and sisters, stability, frustrating situations, loneliness- God is teaching me all the time and even if the test is hard, he is the Creator and I can 100% trust in Him.

KNOW. LOVE. TRUST. GROW.

God is definitely allowing me to trust guys again.

Opening up, being myself, allowing myself to be vulnerable …

And yet no matter what, I realized how I can really only trust God in general and in specifics, in everything.

Sometimes, too many questions are not good at all, but sometimes questioning is a form of refinement.

Certain people don’t deserve me. As selfish as that seems and sounds, I can’t stand being used and abused and neglected and victimized. I think when you feel all those sufferings from one person, it’s just more than a sign to let them go.

(via faithwithwings)

Sometimes things don’t happen for a VERY, GOOD reason.

Thank you God for protecting me & my heart!